Living with an ADD mind.

I want you to imagine a radio that is stuck between stations, or a foggy window. Both are functional, but they don’t work the way they should. The radio is hard to hear. All you hear is a lot of noise that just meshes together. You tend to ignore the noise because you can not understand what is going on. A foggy window may block the cold chill and keep the insects outside of your room, but it is still hard to see what is going on outside. You try to look out the window to see things more clearly but you can’t and it’s frustrating. This is what it is like in the mind of someone with Attention Deficit Disorder.

Attention Deficit Disorder. I hate being told I have a disorder, its makes it sound like such a negative thing. I wont lie. ADD can cause a lot of trouble.

Conversations are impossible. I can’t follow them all the way through. One minute you are talking to me about the weather. I stare into space for 15 seconds and the next thing I know you are talking about what you ate for dinner the previous night. I feel as if I am missing out on my own life. Parts of my life are non-existent because I am too busy phasing out.

I stink at remembering names, dates, and appointments. I can’t tell you how many times I have messed up people’s names. Calling people by “Hey, You” and “Excuse me, Miss” seems to be much easier.

Losing important items is another one of my many flaws. Pencils, pens, money, gift cards, and homework papers are just a few. I don’t know why I struggle with keeping track of my stuff. Part of it is from not paying attention to where I set my stuff down. I just walk in the house, throw my crap where ever there is an open spot, and move on. My dad recommends that I carry a notebook around with me so I can write down things I don’t want to forget. What does he expect me to do when I lose the notebook?

One of the biggest things I lose is time. I have a distorted sense of it. I come home, walk the dog, watch tv, and eat dinner. The next thing I know it’s 11 at night and I haven’t started my essay yet! I am great at procrastinating. I hyper focus on what I shouldn’t be doing so I lose track of time.

Sometimes I think they should call it Attention Surplus Disorder. Something people need to understand is that I am capable of paying attention to whats going on, it’s just not what I should be paying attention to. When you are talking to me, the fly in the corner is distracting. When I have to watch some informative video in class, the song stuck in my head is more fun to listen to. It’s not intentional, it’s really not. It’s almost as if my brain is on autopilot. One minute I am reading my book, and the next thing I know I am listening to the faucet dripping in the other room. It can take me up to 2-3 pages to realize I am not fully paying attention to what I am reading. Unfortunately, this means that I have to reread what I missed. Homework can take forever to finish.

I multitask with everything I do. I lose interest with the first task I have to complete so I move on. Working on 3-4 homework papers at the same time tends to be easier for me. It’s not something that can be explained but I have to do it that way. It’s like my mind has a hard time paying attention to one thing. I am easily distracted. My mind bounces between multiple things making it hard to keep track of what I am doing.

I am the most impulsive person you will ever meet. I tend to say things before I think them all the way through. People often find what I say funny, but I say inappropriate things. I don’t want to be this way.

I am a really fast thinker. You probably wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at me but I am. My mind bounces all over the place in short amounts of time. One minute I will be thinking about the sky, then the ocean, then the fish, then the dresser in my room that needs to be repainted and so on. This does come in handy at times though. I am great at finding topics to talk about.

I am terrible at listening to instuctions. Something so simple for some people can be turned into a very difficult task for me. Grabbing a cup from the kitchen cupboard can easily be turned into a 10 minute thing for me.

I have selective hearing. If you address me before you talk to me I can hear you fine. Otherwise, all I hear is this.

I only just touched the struggles with ADD. Having this disorder can be frustrating not only for other people, but for myself as well. Having ADD doesn’t make someone retarded or dumb. A lot of people I know with ADD are very creative and unique individuals. Having this disorder is not something to be ashamed of and it has some very positive aspects to it as well.  I just wish more people could understand.